Why You Don't Simply "Get Over It"
Often we are taught to wallow in our feelings or to simply "get over it," but there is another way.
"Get over it" is an end result but we are rarely given the opportunity to learn a workable process. Therefore, “get over it” usually takes the form of muscling through, locking feelings in a box, choking down feelings and words. Pushing into pain is also unworkable because emotions move through us, we should not be moving into or becoming overwhelmed by emotions.
This is toxic to our souls and bodies. Not only is this unworkable for artists, this is unworkable for humans!
“Resentment is Like Taking Poison and Waiting for the Other Person To Die.”
Try a Different Approach
Instead, breathe through the emotions and find ease/release in your body. Tension stores trauma and emotions in our bodies.
Release the body, moving outside to inside
The stress response and exerting control increases muscle tension.
Progressive muscle relaxation, shake out the body, or awaken the water body.
Stretch the tongue and release the jaw.
Use the intercostal muscles to intentionally expand the ribcage and find a yawn
Open your inner space
Your emotions are right and you feel whatever it is that you feel.
Breathe and get curious about what's happening in your body.
Breathe and know you are exactly right as you are, feeling as you are.
Take a breath for your self, take a breath for your experience in this moment, take a breath for the work you are doing in choosing a new pathway for yourself.
Things have been quiet on this blog as I have had a lot of projects going on. The best way to stay up-to-date on all of my happenings and offerings is through Vibrance’s Facebook Page.
I launched my theatre company, Burning Bones Physical Theatre and we begin rehearsals early next year.
Recognized for her passion, knowledge, and support of her clients’ individual journeys toward their best selves, Frances Mulinix brings over 20 years of experience in coaching, voice, movement, and performance to support her clients in breaking down blocks, opening the voice, and reaching achievements they had previously not thought possible. Transform your relationship to your mind, body, and voice, bringing new confidence and creativity to your life.
When Did You Lose Your Voice?
“Becoming an excellent public speaker will help you in every part of your career. But there is an even more important reason to learn to speak well to an audience. Psychologists tell us that your level of self-esteem, or ‘how much you like yourself,’ largely determines the quality of your inner and outer life. The better and more persuasively you speak, the more you like yourself. The more you like yourself, the more optimistic and confident you are. The more you like yourself, the most positive and personable you are in your relationships with others. The more you like yourself, the healthier, happier, and more positive you become in everything you do.”
When I work with adult clients, I often hear something along the lines of, "I hate the sound of my voice."
Instead of thinking of your voice as something to be beaten, cajoled, or "fixed" I want you to think of when you decided your voice betrayed you. Were you called on to read aloud in class and found your voice let you down? Were you asked to report to a Manager and found your tongue had become heavy and dull, stopping the words in your brain from forming in your mouth? Was there a time when you felt consumed by great emotion, but when you opened your mouth you didn't recognize the voice that emerged?
In actuality, it is not the voice that is the problem. Rather than fixate on the voice, start with the breath and the body. In times of stress or pressure, we respond with flight/fight/freeze. Our breathing changes, our body gets tense. We constrict. And a constricted self does not support the voice.
Somewhere along the way, you have taught yourself coping mechanisms - useful for survival, but not for much else. I work with clients to set down new neurological patterns, habits that enable them to be relaxed and connected so that they can speak without strain, without feeling as if their brains have shut down.
“A constricted self does not support the voice.”
When I start working with my clients, we look at what is happening in the body and voice, what unique patterns have formed. In order to build vocal skills, we often start with the breath and the body. However, this is not yoga or relaxation class. Our focus is always on the voice, creating a strong instrument that is supported, expressive, and clear. Once the breath is located in and supported by the body, we learn to use the voice as an expressive instrument. I often talk about "painting with the voice" as there are so many rich ways to illustrate the content of your speech with the quality of your voice. When your voice confidently supports your message, listeners find you more trustworthy, can follow your train of thought, and will better retain what you tell them.
I have worked with teachers whose voices were squeaky and breathy. I have worked with managers whose bodies revealed nervous energy, undercutting their authority. I have worked with heads of Police and Fire departments whose rigid bodies resulted in flat voices. I have worked with entrepreneurs who had trouble communicating their stream of ideas effectively to possible investors. I have worked with individuals who dream of becoming influencers and coaches in their field of expertise, yet who found being seen and heard exhausting and uncomfortable.
“you have the choice to give up or grow.”
Each client learned about their own foibles and each client saw shifts as we set down new neurological pathways for their voice and body, resulting in growing confidence in their voice. My favourite moments are those "wow!" experiences when clients surprise themselves with an unexpected breakthrough that they previously imagined impossible.
If you find you have a burning desire to communicate yet are experiencing trouble in finding your true voice, you have the choice to give up or grow. I offer practical techniques, a rich range of experiences, an unwavering base of support, and a great deal of enthusiasm for your progress.
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us: